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well…that was weird.

This is a post I wasn’t planning on…

Our little adventure of selling all for Jesus is turning into a mis-adventure. We had a signed purchase agreement last week. The inspector came over the weekend and found some stuff that made the buyers back away. It’s stuff we didn’t know about and will most likely cost a pretty penny to fix.

It’s amazing how quickly my excitement can turn into so many other emotions:

I feel duped. I feel like a fool. I feel like this past year of trying to discern God’s will has been a sham. I’m angry. I’ve put all my eggs in this housing basket, trusting that this was the Lord’s will. I’ve spent all my families resources fixing this place to get to here. Now it’s all for naught.

WTF?

I’m offended at God.

Then I read John 6

I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” 52 Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” 53Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood,you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. 

Jesus was speaking to followers who were just fed from a few loaves and fish the day before.  They are asking for a sign from heaven.  Jesus gives them none, but tells them He is the bread of heaven.  The people were offended because they wanted more bread. Jesus didn’t give them what they wanted, what they felt they were entitled to or even what they felt they needed. He simply offered Himself.

Am I any different than these folks?  Do I want Jesus for what He can do for me, or do I want Him for who He is?  I am offended because I want Jesus to sell my house at a good price with minimal effort on my part.  I want Him to produce fish and loaves, I want a sign and a wonder.  What I need to remember is: He is the sign.  He is the wonder.

Story of disciples in boat.

Luke 8:22 One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and started out. 23 On the way across, Jesus lay down for a nap, and while he was sleeping the wind began to rise. A fierce storm developed that threatened to swamp them, and they were in real danger. 24 The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” So Jesus rebuked the wind and the raging waves. The storm stopped and all was calm! 25 Then he asked them,”Where is your faith?”

What’s interesting to me about this story is:

  1. Jesus told them to cross over.  They weren’t acting in their own will.  They were following Jesus.
  2. Jesus must have been really tired.
  3. the Disciples were afraid and I get the impression that they were perplexed by Jesus’ behavior.  the Rescuer appears to be doing nothing to help.
  4. Jesus rebukes them for their lack of faith.  I get the sense that Jesus would have rather the disciples lay down with Him then get too worried about the waves.

I definitely feel like the disciples at this present hour. I feel tired and unsafe. I have no idea what my future holds. Literally. This report from inspector Joe feels like a big crappy wave of terror hitting me in the face. I find myself yelling at Jesus in my insides to “Wake Up!. Don’t’ you care that I’m drowning here! I’m trying to serve you here, and this is how you treat me!?!”

I know it’s silly. It’s just a report from some guy. But we’re now in a really tight spot. I spent money that would have otherwise been used to pay bills to pay to fix for the sale. I don’t have anything left. I know the Jesus-y thing to say is: “Now God can move ’cause you can’t” or something. Well, what if He doesn’t. Is He still good? Is He still in control? Is He still on His Throne? Does He have any concern for my life at all?

I know that God does things to bring Glory to Himself, not for my benefit per se, but for His Glory. He didn’t bring Israel out of Egypt to make a name for Moses, but to make a name for Himself.

I will trust in Jesus. I will continue to put my faith in Him. Whatever my hand finds to do, I will do it with all my might. [Ecc 9:10]

He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Him [Is 26:3]

I don’t want to trust in Jesus for what He will do for me. I want to trust in Him the person. I can’t deny what He’s done in me the last 9 months. I have more compassion for the lost, a greater desire to see His Kingdom come. I want to serve Him with everything. If He wants me here, so be it.  If I have to get another job to pay for repairs, so be it. Though He slay me, I will trust in Him. [Job 13:15]

I’m not sure what to do from here.  We’ll either be paying some money to make these repairs, offering our house for less so they can make repairs, or staying here until repairs are made, or something else that hasn’t come to mind yet.  I guess the point of this blog was to have an honest recording of this journey.  It wouldn’t be appropriate to only post ‘victories’.  I am going to continue to trust in Him.  I believe Psalm 91~

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the Lord, ‘my refuge and my fortress, My God in whom I trust!”

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