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2 Timothy 2:20 “In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use. 21 If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.”

 

This Blog Sucks

I’ve become a blogger who never blogs.  One of those foolio’s.  I’ve sat around for the last 2 months, not doing or saying much.  I haven’t been saying anything because I haven’t been doing anything.  I haven’t been doing anything because I’ve been confused.  I’m think I’m finally making up my mind and getting my bearings again, henceforth: a post. 

The delemna

I want to serve God.  With everything.  All the time.  What’s so hard about that?  Apparently, everything.

I’ve been given the keys to a duplex in North Minneapolis and it’s our intention to turn this in to a house of worship, prayer, and discipleship.  We want regular times of worship where the community at large can come and experience God’s presence.  We want regular times of prayer and digging into God’s word, where members of the community can come and receive comfort and guidance from God’s word and His Spirit.  We want to serve the community in tangible ways including evangelism and community partnerships with dozens of other helpful groups (Christian and non) in the city.

Problem 1: The house is a shit hole.  When working there last month, I found a dead cat in the crawl space.  I left and never wanted to come back.  When I finally did come back, someone had helped themselves to the copper piping.  Needless to say, there is much work to be done.

Problem 2: I have no time.  I run a small software training company and we’ve stepped into my busy season.  Last Fall, I took a part time job at an airline to try to bring my family closer together.  The hours are redonculous, so after waking at 2 am then working a full day training, I’m not in the mood to go work on a house with dead cats and no copper.  Also, as part of being ‘homeless’ and living in a friends basement, we try to be accommodating by leaving town most every weekend (when I would otherwise we working on this house).

So, when all my complaining is done, my vision seems derailed.  My confidence has shrunk and my desperation is growing.  I feel like the only way out is to go all in.  I want to ‘cleanse myself of the latter’ as Paul said.  I want to be a vessel of honor.  I have come to a place where I honestly feel the ONLY thing that matters in my life is knowing God’s heart.  I want to know Christ.  Not just by going to a Bible study or attending a service.  I want to know His heartbeat.  Everything else just feels like such a distraction.  I want to live closer to the Gospel.  I want to identify with Peter and James and John.  I want to live out the book of Acts.  I want to be a Christ Follower.  [I mean the real, living, breathing, risen Christ.  The one with fire in His eyes and love in His heart.  Not the dusty Jesus who rose 2,000 years ago, went to heaven and conquered death and all that jazz so we can sit around in a church basement for 2 hours debating and parsing words]

One thing all these Bible stories have in common: they all had to LEAVE SOMETHING.  They all had a choice to make and they all chose to follow a cooky path.  They had to ‘cleanse themselves’ to become ‘vessels of honor…usable for God’s Kingdom.’  This is where I’ve been stuck.  I’ve got my 2 jobs that currently occupy a crap ton of my time.  I’ve got this shitty house that occupies none of my time.  My 2 jobs lead me down a path that seems pretty familiar.  This crappy house leads me…somewhere else.  

While I can’t predict the future, I can say that I’d rather have the hope and confidence that I’m following God’s voice, then to shrink back and rely on what I know and wait for circumstances to change themselves.  I want to be proactive in my pursuit of His will for my life.  If I’m wrong, I want to err on the side of action, not in-action. 

Hebrews 10 

Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 36For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

      37FOR YET IN A VERY LITTLE WHILE,
            HE WHO IS COMING WILL COMEAND WILL NOT DELAY.

      38BUT MY RIGHTEOUS ONE SHALL LIVE BY FAITH;
            AND IF HE SHRINKS BACK, MY SOUL HAS NO PLEASURE IN HIM.

39But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul.

With this in mind, I have submitted my resignation at my part time job.  This is step 1 to free up more time for pursuing this dream of a house of worship, prayer and discipleship.  Step 2 will take more time, but your prayers are appreciated while we work out our salvation.  I want to know Christ and the Power of His resurrection.  I want to become like Him in His death and I want to share in the fellowship of His suffering.

This is the ultimate Gospel, I think.  To pursue God’s heart at all costs.  To truly love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.  There is great joy in obedience.  I want to walk in His joy.  I don’t want to shrink back and be ‘normal’.  I want to live.  I want streams of Living Water,  I want pressed down and running over.  I haven’t found that in the ‘burbs’. I haven’t found that to be a normal Sunday experience.  It should be. 

Phl 3:10 AMP [For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[b]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]

11 That if possible I may attain to the [[c]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].

12 Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.

13 I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

14 I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

One thought on “Valley of [in]Decision

  1. Hey man, keep pushing on. You are so close to the reward. I feel ashamed to not have the same perserverance. If you build it, they will come is all that comes to my mind. Though God doesn’t reveal each step when we think he should, does not mean he won’t. Besides if we knew everything ahead of time, life wouldn’t be exciting and we wouldn’t have free-will. Dude be encouraged! And keep blogging for how can I pray for your needs if I don’t know them

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